Although today the sun is breaking through, soon it will be setting as the days are short this time of year. Some even call it the Big Dark and the longest night is coming on December 21. It's a time when light is precious.
And while most of us prefer light and the longer days (rather than long, dark nights), there is something to be said for the night season - both the physical season we experience each winter and the times of trial in our lives. There is a clarity to night that allows us to see what we can't understand when things are bright and sunny in our lives. While I don't revel in darkness and it can often be a difficult or discouraging time, it becomes abundantly clear what is important to us when we are faced with tough choices or difficult experiences. The darkness lets us see where our heart is focused.
I think of Mary, pregnant and about to be put away by Joseph, facing a night season. She must have clung to those words from the angel - trying to keep her faith that all would be well. That night season created the need for hope.
I think of Joseph, fresh off another angel message, wondering how he could reconcile the instructions to stick with Mary and his cultural rulebook. This whole situation took him off guard and his night season created the need for faith.
I think of the shepherds who saw the host of angels singing in the dark night. Would they have been able to take in the huge spectacle as completely had the sun been shining that day? It was in the darkness that Joy showed up and sent them running for an unknown stable like contestants on the Amazing Race. That night season created a need for action.
Are you experiencing a night season? I have found myself in one that crept up on me. And I'm finding that my night season is requiring me to live into hope, faith and action - whether I'm ready or not. My night season is creating a stage that allows the warmth and light of our community and God's presence and love to shine so brightly that I cannot ignore it. I'm walking gingerly through this time as wait for the Light of the World to show me my next steps. This is all not easy, but I'm comforted that God is with me (and with us) and the night season will not have the last word. We are not overcome. The Light has dawned.
John 1:4-5 (NIV)
"In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
Union Parents: Externally-focused gingerbread / December 8, 2023
It is no secret that food is a big part of our Union community life. From sandwich-making to Thanksgiving meals to burrito-rolling and more, food is woven in our external focus. This week's gingerbread house decorating, while not as edible as a brown bag lunch, is another way we are using food to serve our neighbors.
Tell me more, you say? I'm glad you asked. Gingerbread is simply a reason to gather. A reason to be present and a way to be externally-focused. It's another touch point for those in our Union community with Compass House and Play & Learn.
Speaking of Play & Learn, I want to share what is brewing there, as we welcomed the largest group of children and adults so far this fall on December 6. Parents, caregivers, grandparents, neighbors and nannies are coming with their young children. They are finding community and I'm honored to say, that I'm finding community with them, too. It's a give and take and we all win.
As we welcome more folks through the doors on Wednesday mornings, we are finding it's often those who are new to Seattle who walk in. They are looking for a place to take their young child and meet other parents in this city. At Union (and Kakao), we have the opportunity to be that place that creates community for people like G. from Australia awaiting his work visa and his 18- month-old daughter, or for P. from Chile by way of Los Angeles and her toddler daughter, or for G. and the children whom she nannies for, or for A. who has a three-year-old, but dreams of finishing her Ph.d, among others.
So, this weekend, when Tauryn Beeman, Kathy Foster, Renee Notkin, Olivia Hill, Chandra Jamerson, Theo Helt, and Jermaine Harris help to welcome friends from Play & Learn, Compass House, and our larger Union community for this holiday event, you'll know that this gingerbread is a conduit for connection. A venue to serve our neighbors. It is a way to be in the community and be the hands and feet of Jesus, the Bread of Life, in a very delicious way.
It's a externally-focused gingerbread. Bless this food.
John 6:35 (NIV)
"Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty."
Union Parents: Heartache and joy / December 1, 2023
Risking some redundancy, I wanted to share a little from the introduction to the 25 Days of Love and Justice, compiled by two Union parents, Sayuko Setvik and Nichelle Keatley.
If you signed up for the daily email they deliver throughout Advent, you may have read this already. (And if you haven't signed uo, you can always do so at truthandjustice.union@gmail.com.)
What struck me in their intro email was the tension between heartache and joy. Between hope and hopelessness. Between the now and the not yet. This time of year is a season of longing and waiting and parenting is very much the same experience year round. We long to see our kids grow into who God created them to be, while holding the tension of parenting in the moment. Not only that, we are parenting in a world that is filled with injustice, hurt, fear....and hope. Parenting is a complicated vocation, for many reasons.
Sayuko and Nichelle wrote:
"In the midst of the horrific suffering in Palestine & Israel, the ongoing war between Ukraine & Russia, violence and starvation in many African countries, mass shooting every day in the U.S., illness, heartbreak, and difficulty in our personal lives, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and hopeless. This Advent, we are intentionally journeying with both heartache and joy.
How do we hold God's justice and God's love simultevusaly?
How can we name and experience the injustices in the Bible and in the wold, while holding onto God's goodness at the same time?
We invite you to ponder these questions this season, just as Mary and Joseph embraced the joy of Jesus, while at the same time witnessing terrible suffering around them. We were not created to live in isolation, but rather in community. “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15) For us, the answer is together. Our hearts are big enough to hold multiple things together at the same time. We mourn, grieve, and cry with those who are suffering. AND we laugh and sing with those who are happy. We stop to ask about someone’s pain, and hopefully, collectively, we can lighten the burden a tiny bit."
As we walk through Advent these next week, we do it together as we work for the light of justice to shine bright, while living in the difficult tension of a world that needs our Lord. As you are present at Union in the next few Advent Sundays, maybe try asking someone about their experience with this tension of heartache and joy, and as Sayuko and Nichelle say, you may find that this little act will lighten their burden and create an inbreaking of hope.
Isaiah 9:2
"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned."
Union Parents: How big is love? / November 24, 2023
Advent season is just around the corner. Maybe you've started putting up your tree and preparing for this most festive time of the year: the coming of our Savior. While Christmas (and even Advent) can be wrapped up in a lot of hype and commercialism, we know that the heart of this season is that love came down, broke through. God with us. Immanuel. Love is central to God's choice to be in relationship with us.
Recently, Jade and I were at the library and I saw this book by Emma Dodd called "How Big is Love". As I read this book with the perspective that we are God's children, I felt like these words were worth sharing with you. God loves us with big love. This is the love we receive and the love we endeavor to shower on our children, as best we humanly can.
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How Big Is Love?
by Emma Dodd
Before you can, I did not know just how big love could be.
It's wider than the ocean, it's deeper than the sea.
Love's taller than the mountains, it stretches way up high.
Farther than the farthest star, way beyond the sky.
Love goes on and on and on, it fills your heart and mine.
Love's brighter than the brightest light. It makes the whole world shine.
Love never, ever changes, no matter what life brings.
Love lifts you up when you are down. It helps you find your wings.
Love is all around you every single day. And even when life gets hard ,love never goes away.
And you, my loves, have taught me what I know is true: there is nothing bigger than the love I feel for you.
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Friends, may you feel the light and depth of God's big love this coming Advent season in new ways.
I John 3:1 (NIV)
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
Union Parents: Provisions and the Provider / November 17, 2023
Dear Union Parents,
This last month or so, Union has been hosting Harvest Dinners around the region. Union folks opened their homes to their neighbors and community to share our lives together in gratitude.
I participated (and enjoyed a lovely meal!) at the Harvest Dinner hosted at Peter and Marcia Lyons' home. As our dinner concluded, Peter grabbed his notebook and said, "I wrote a little something that I wanted to share." And I'm so glad he did. I felt like it was a poignant Thanksgiving and gratitude message that left me pondering where I find my provisions and do I trust the Provider.
Harvest Dinner Refections
by Peter Lyons
"Share the joy of the harvest and the gift of community," we are reminded in Exodus 23:16. Part of our deeper faith tradition is to celebrate the Festival of Harvest. We do this by gathering together with and giving thanks for God's abundant provision.
Some of us here get our hands in the soil a little more than others, but none of us relies on farming as directly as the Israelites did in the time of Moses when these festivals were first celebrated. Some of us have seasons in our work, but most of us do nearly the same work all year. This makes it a little harder to see God's abundant provision in our lives since we didn't see a pile of wheat or corn and know we are good for another year. Even if it's harder, it's worth the effort to look back and see how the Lord has taken care of us again and that he is as he's always been: Jehovah Jirah - the Lord our Provider.
As we move into Thanksgiving week, may these words from Peter's pen encourage you to see where God has provided and walks with us as our Provider. I'm so thankful for this community and God's abundant provision for our children and families as we grow together in community. God is always good.
Maybe take some time to ponder...where has God taken care of you and your family this past year?
Matthew 6:25-25 (NIV)
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
Union Parents: Trust and rest / November 10, 2023
As I've been going through the fall small group study on Sabbath, I've been struck by this intertwining theme of trust and rest. As we know, the 10 Commandments tell us to keep the Sabbath and to rest. And while physical rest is definitely important for the human race, I'm finding that the rest can be more related to my posture toward God.
I find that rest comes with trust.
But do I trust that he can carry me through difficult times? Am I willing to rest knowing that I can't do any more today? Where are the place that I fail to trust that God and give over the outcome to Him? Places like my children's school choice, the friends they make, the grades they receive, what they learn about God from me, or the character that is being cultivated in them?
Those are some tender places where my heart wants to trust that God is good. And will continue to be care for my children as they grow and even when I cannot be there. As I've continued to read Meredith Miller's book, I'm seeing how trust in God and His goodness is where my heart needs to be. She explains that connection and belonging bring us (and children) to trusting in God. Instead of trying to work toward obedience and perfection, but reminding myself of God's goodness, I can live into trust and rest. Easier said than done, but as I lean into God's character, I find that real rest is more accessible.
Parents often feel that rest is completely elusive and when it comes to actual sleep, I agree! But when I think about rest as a result of how I view God, it's a broader definition that encompasses my inner life and one that actually allows my spirit to take a breath, so to speak, and be re-energized.
What do you think about the connection of trust and rest? Does that ring true for you? Is there a place where trusting God would allow you to find greater peace and rest?
Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Union Parents: Ratatouille and community under the roof / November 3, 2023
Who knew a rat could tell such a great story? And bring people together? I believe that Remy the Rat from Ratatouille can do just that.
Ratatouille is a story of triumph, together. Somehow when a chef and a rat meet, they establish trust and communication, and when Linguini, the chef, gets credit for a soup that the Remy has saved with strategic seasonings, they team up. It's a match made in Paris.
Roger Ebert wrote at the film's debut, "All of this [movie] begins as a dubious premise and ends as a triumph of animation, comedy, imagination and, yes, humanity."
And in our post-Covid era and our scarred, hurting world, I think the more stories we hear about teamwork, triumph, humanity, and life together, the more we are reminded that we need each other. When we team up, we can do greater things.
Not only is Ratatouille an engaging story, the movie night gives our broader community a chance to gather, have a meal, play, and watch together. I'm excited that we'll have the opportunity to bring children, caregivers, parents, and other adults from Union, Cafe Club, Compass House, and Play and Learn under the 415 Westlake roof at one time. The blending of people from different parts of Union allows us to see how God is creating a tapestry of places for connection, belonging, and, I daresay, healing.
I hope you and your people will be able to join us next Saturday, November 11. Spaghetti dinner will be served at 4:30 and we'll start the movie shortly after that. There will also be a place for babies to play, games, and an art table for those who want to do something with their hands while they watch.
Would love to see you there!
Want to see more of Ratatouille? Watch the 2007 trailer:
https://youtu.be/NgsQ8mVkN8w?si=VYvYPltZAPVe8x0x
Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
Union Parents: Everything is temporary / October 27, 2023
I recently saw this post on a parenting page and thought it was very poignant. It seems that once we parents get in a groove, our kids have found a new favorite food, a new routine or reach a new development milestone.
But wait, I'm not ready! It's all happening so quick.
Loving these little people sometimes means that I must let them grow even when I'm finding it hard to accept the new normal. Some days I am definitely ready for a new phase but there are many days I want to freeze them forever and hold tightly to the present.
I've always been comforted by the thought that Christ goes before us in everything and lives in the future (and past), just as much as in the present. God transcends time. That truth allows me to step into the next phase of parenting knowing that Christ meets me there and nothing is a surprise to him. We are gently held by our Provider and Sustainer...in all things.
Does this post below resonate with you? Where does the temporary feel hard (and sometimes unending) and where do you find that you are relived that "this too shall pass"? Where are you feeling the joy of moving through stages and experiencing your children's growth?
Philippians 1:6
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ”
Everything - the Hard and Amazing - is Temporary
Ever notice how everything in parenting, from the amazing to the challenging, seems to be temporary? One moment, your little one is a cuddly bundle content with just milk and sleep, and the next, they're a curious explorer on a mission to touch, taste, and topple everything in sight! Then, before we know it, they’re off to school making new friends and learning new things. Everything... is temporary.
And while this can tug at our heartstrings, there's beauty in this transience. The sleepless nights? Temporary. The overwhelming firsts? Temporary. The diaper changes? Temporary (Thank goodness!). But let's not forget - the tiny hand holding yours, the sweet baby coos, the innocent wonder in their eyes - that too, is all temporary.
So, let's enjoy every moment, embrace every phase, and remember that each stage, however fleeting, is an essential chapter in our incredible journey of parenthood. Embrace the temporariness! After all, it’s what makes every moment precious and every memory priceless.
Union Parents: Returning to Fourth Sunday / October 20, 2023
Before the pandemic, a group of folks from Union served brunch in person every Fourth Sunday. Renee Notkin shared that the staff at Fred Hutch have once again reached out to Union expressing their desire to have us provide brunch - beginning this Sunday, October 22, with a drop-off brunch.
Since we are preparing food at our building, children and families are able to get involved. We will be assembling brunch boxes to drop off at about 11 am. Going forward, you may not able to commit to doing this every month on Fourth Sunday, but if you'd like to join in this Sunday, we will be assembling, writing notes of encouragement and delivering the boxes to the SLU Housing at 207 Pontius Avenue North.
It's so good to have this brunch as part of our external focus once again and this opportunity to encourage those families who are receiving treatment at Fred Hutch.
I am sure that you are in a similar space – heavy hearted and grieve-stricken by the news from the Middle East. Our Worship in Action on Fourth Sundays can seem like a small attempt to live into love in the face of world trauma. But I pray that we together can continue to encourage one another to share radical love from our corner of the NW and beyond.
John 13:34 (NIV)
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
Union Parents: Community input / October 13, 2023
In just over a week, Union's four-week fall small groups will begin. Are you considering jumping in? There is still time to join a group either online or in-person.
Why do I bring this up again? Because community is really life-giving. When we are spending time in intentional ways with others, it makes a difference. For you and for others. It provides belonging.
Did you know that of the 263 centenarians (longest living people today), all but five who were interviewed in a National Geographic study belonged to some faith-based community? Community gives longevity.
Our Triune God is always communing together and does so in perfect harmony as our model of community. The choreography of the Trinity is a dance of harmony in community.
Of course, we probably find it's hard to create any harmonious choreography like that ever - but especially in the busy-ness of raising kids or just living our 21st century life. So, any place you find community, whether if be at soccer, a mom's group, the office, or your neighborhood, it is important. We can welcome God into our various community places.
It's been exciting to see community develop around the weekly Play and Learn time on Wednesday morning with parents, nannies, aunts, babies, toddlers and preschoolers. Thanks to Kathy Foster's vision, Play and Learn is an opportunity for community, especially those who find themselves in a new city or isolated. Cafe Club, led by Chandra Jamerson, also fills a place where community was needed, creating after-school activities and place to belong for elementary kids in SLU.
Where do you find community or a place to belong? What helps you connect and be supported? Do you know of a place where community could grow?
I Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Union Parents: Just a bit at a time / October 6, 2023
"Can we cover up the mural of Noah's ark on the wall? Please!"
The question came from a parent while I was at Jade's preschool co-op leadership meeting last week. My curiosity antenna went up and I could sense her anger. "I mean I know this is a church building and all," she went on, "but I just hope I don't have to answer a question about it."
As I reflected on her comments, I could only wonder what was told to her about Noah's ark and the story of the flood. It was clear that whatever her experience, this story had certainly made an impression and left her with lots of negative emotions. Had she been told a story of punishment rather than God's love? Was she told too much as a child that scared her, rather than intrigued her, about the God who loves people deeply and wildly?
Let's face it. Some of the Bible is pretty scary. Much of it is hard to understand without deep study. How do we communicate truth to children in an age appropriate way? How do we tell stories that build their faith and trust in God?
Consider spiral learning.
Earlier this week and after that co-op parent meeting, Kathy Foster shared a newsletter from Meredith Miller, the author of Woven, which I've referenced recently, and her words shed some light on these questions. Miller described using spiral learning to allow for understanding of what being taught as the brain develops over time. (As a side note, this concept is one of the main reasons that we are providing a space for the older kids on Sunday mornings for questions and discussion that the younger children would not be ready to do.)
So, what is spiral learning? Here is a excerpt from the newsletter to detail it more.
Miller writes:
Spiral learning tells us that when there are complex ideas to learn, we make them simple and small on purpose, so that we can add layers of complexity, depth, and nuance over time. We circle around these ideas over and over, taking them just a bit at a time.
In other words, you answer with:
something true
at her level
that you can build on later
We let’s try it with a Bible story, taking creation as our example, which is fitting as we wrap up our Genesis series.
Start here
At any age, the big idea in Genesis is God made a good world and God made people in God’s own image. Image-bearing is a complex theological idea. But you can start with something true, at a kids’ level, that you can build on later.
You might say, “God made a world full of amazing plants and animals! It was beautiful and so good. And God made people with so much care—people are God’s favorite!”
Age it up
You can add on the idea that the world was made diverse by design, saying, “God made all different kinds of plants, all different kinds of animals, all different kinds of people! God made things different on purpose because it makes God happy!” Help your child notice uniqueness in different parts of creation and enjoy that beauty.
Go deeper
The ideas of a good creation that is different on purpose feeds into an important piece of being made in God’s image: inherent dignity.
You might say, “The Genesis poem says every person is made in God’s own image. In other communities’ stories, someone is made in god’s image—just one person. Guess who? The king! Only the king was, and that let the king be bossy. But our God? Our God made every person in God’s image. How should we respond to people if that is what’s true of them?”
Spiral learning: make complex things small on purpose. Circle around them a lot, always taking just a bit at a time.
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If you have questions about this concept, please let Kathy Foster or me know. We would love to support you!
And just a reminder...Kathy brought some excellent parenting books that are available this Sunday for you to see. If you are looking for resources, these might be helpful.
Union Parents: In the company of others / September 29, 2023
While at Fourth Sunday last week, I had the opportunity to speak to some Union parents as projects were happening around the building. Between apple-pressing, sandwich-making and note card-writing, I got some face time to ask, "What's on your mind?"
I heard parents say things like,
"I need support!"
"Discipline? Help. "
"How do we make our family thrive?"
"School choices are weighing on me."
"Transition to kindergarten is coming."
"Teaching faith to children - what do I do?"
"Knowing how to de-escalate tantrums would be helpful."
Do any of those resonate with you?
As Union journeys through the next few years and face a transition from our building, one aspect we want to cultivate is Accompaniment. We come alongside one another as parents on a faith journey. We are in each other's company and we are the Church.
To accompany one another, I'm putting together some ways that parents can connect with other parents, as well as gain some tools and resources. Most of these options will be available from January through March. More to come, so stay tuned.
But in the meantime, I don't want to wait for parents to have the opportunity to accompany one another and connect. So, if you'd like to participate in a parents small group as part of our fall Sabbath four-week study, I will be hosting a group on Zoom. (And I will do an in-person group, too, if there are requests for such a thing.)
Do you want to see how the Sabbath and parenting might co-exist? Would you like to meet with other parents as we accompany one another in faith? Just need some adult conversation time?? Sign up on Climb On under Fall Small Groups - and put Parent Small Group in the comment box at the bottom of the form before you hit Submit. Or simply reply to this email which goes directly to me.
Let's be in the company of others. I am excited to see how God will orchestrate this accompaniment and Sabbath journey as parents and people of faith.
p.s. Kathy Foster brought some excellent parenting books last week that I will make available this Sunday for you to see. If you are looking for resources, these might be just the thing.
Union Parents: The trust did the work / September 22, 2023
As you may recall, last week, I bought up moralistic therapeutic deism. It's the belief system that is often summed up simply as, "God (and the significant people in my life) will love me if I'm a good person." Not the easiest topic and certainly not one that is makes for polite dinner conversation at Thanksgiving. But it's good topic to discuss here.
So, let's dive in and ask a hard question that falls out of moralistic therapeutic deism, "Is obedient behavior what God most desires from and for our children?"
Funny thing is when we look at what Jesus commanded about children, he says, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them..." Rather than instilling obedient behaviors, he was most concerned that they know him, first and foremost. His goal is connection, just as he described to his disciples with the image of the vine and branches.
James B and Renee have consistently emphasized that we are a community that allows for belonging and connection before any believing is taking place. Moralistic therapeutic deism is not our way. Instead, Union is about connection so that we and our kids know God and trust that he is for us.
And real trust changes behavior.
The other day, Jade was bound and determined to climb on something that wasn't safe. In fact, she thought it was a hilarious game to run away from me while I tried to retrieve her. And on top of that, my middle child not to be named here, decided it would be appropriate to egg her on to run away and keep up the "game". In a moment of desperation that no injury would occur, I cried out to Jade, "I'm your mom, trust me that I want the best for you!" In a split second, she stopped and said, "Ok, mom." And that was that.
The trust did the work. Not the calls for obedience or the chasing.
What I love about our Union Kids team is that they understand that our kids thrive on belonging and it's the belonging that will gently move them to trust the grownups who care for them and the God who made them. Each child will certainly take their own path in life, but we provide the opportunity for them to explore whether God can be trusted and to better understand who God is. And eventually, to know that this God continually seeks to know them whether they obey or not.
As parents, this journey of learning to trust can be even more difficult as we let our kids get to know God and grow into the people they are designed to be. Much of what our children will experience on a day-to-day basis is out of our control. So, I guess that means we have to trust our God, too, on this daily walk.
So where do we go from here?
This Sunday, as part of our Fourth Sunday activities, I will have a table where parents can share topics that you'd want to discuss or learn more about. Here are some ideas about what journeying and learning together could look like this school year:
Where is trust difficult?
Where are your kids connected and know they belong?
Do you have a topic for a parent roundtable discussion or brown bag lunch in the future?
Do you need parenting resources?
Are there ways you'd like to connect with other parents that we can try?
Books you'd love to discuss together?
Do you want to pray with other parents?
Would you like to be paired with parents of grown children to learn from their wisdom and experience?
So let's talk! And whatever the questions or answers, it's clear that we journey together. To trust and grow. To belong and believe. To connect to God as individuals and collectively, as parents and a community, to point our children to the one who loves them and seeks them always.
Matthew 19:14 (NIV)
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Union Parents: Moralistic therapeutic deism & other topics / September 15, 2023
Ok, I'm throwing out a new term - have you ever heard of moralistic therapeutic deism? I hadn't until this week, but these big words came from a 2009 study of 3,000 teenagers. Moralistic therapeutic deism (MTD) is a combination of beliefs defined by Wikipedia as:
A God exists who created and ordered the world and watches over human life on earth.God wants people to be good, nice, and fair to each other, as taught in the Bible and by most world religions.The central goal of life is to be happy and to feel good about oneself.God does not need to be particularly involved in one's life except when God is needed to resolve a problem.Good people go to heaven when they die.
One way to look at it is simply, "God (and the significant people in my life) will love me if I'm a good person."
I'm pretty sure this way of thinking was paraded in front of me to accept, which I did, at a young age. I know my parents and others at our church would never have wanted me to believe such a thing, but it was part of the culture and certainly part of the parenting ethos. Good kids obeyed and that was pleasing to God...and just about everyone else, too. Good Christians were good people.
But what happens when we aren't good? Or we have questions? Or bad things happen to make our feelings about God sour?
MTD doesn't leave much room for these things (and it doesn't line up with the way Jesus discipled). I read this quote in Woven: Nurturing a Faith Your Kid Doesn't Have to Heal From by Meredith Miller, a book expertly recommended to me by Phil Lewis.
Miller writes:
"I want to be clear as I can: The issue is not the desire for our children to follow God in practical and action and attitude. Not is it a hope that we can guide them to wise choices and away from foolish ones, thereby sparing them some difficult experiences.
The issue is when adults tell kids exactly what fruit should look like in their lives instead of helping them get to know the Spirit who grows the fruit."
Pointing our kids toward the Spirit, instead pointing out how to produce fruit or making sure they are producing what we see as fruit, is much more relationships and, ultimately, about trust-building. Just as we've heard on our Genesis sermon series, most (or all?) of the Biblical characters are not that good and make some pretty bad decisions and certainly doubt God at times. But they are still God's people and they are still in relationship with the Creator. They still had the opportunity trust Him even when they strayed.
Processing this topic is huge. And it's just one of the many topics parents face as we seek to raise children in this decade and introduce them to God in a way they don't have to heal from. I don't have easy answers, but I'm grateful that I don't have to do this alone. We journey together.
So, what might journeying together look like?
Next Sunday, September 24, as part of our 4th Sunday activities, I will have a table where parents can share topics that you'd want to discuss or learn more about. Here are some ideas about what journeying and learning together could look like this school year:
Do you have a topic for a parent roundtable discussion or brown bag lunch in the future?
Do you need parenting resources?
Are there ways you'd like to connect with other parents that we can try?
Books you'd love to discuss together?
Do you want to pray with other parents?
Would you like to be paired with parents of grown children to learn from their wisdom and experience?
Let's see what possible by the Spirit as parents of faith in community, seeking to know the Wisdom Giver and share our experience with our children.
Ephesians 1:17-19
"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength,"
Union Parents: Falling dominoes / September 8, 2023
Last spring was rough. I remember saying to Kathy Foster one Sunday that I felt like my life was like dominoes. One kept falling and touching off another domino without a brake to stop it.
At that time, school was really tough for Caden with bullies and lots of emotional struggles. Andrew was working on building his business and being a sole proprietor is not easy. Numerous kids' activities filled our calendar, while good and educational, stretched our family life thin. I was grappling with the move of my brother and sister-in-law and our family felt the loss of my father-in-law. The dominoes just kept falling.
It's been four months since I felt that big falling dominoes feeling. But something is shifting.
First, I've been taking cues from my favorite The Healing Light book. Agnes Sanford writes about breathing in the wholeness, perfect healing of the Spirit. As I've actively said in my mind, "Breathing in God's perfect life, love, healing of the Spirit...," I've felt my spirit brighten. Emotions are still running high, but I know God's (and God's people) have my back.
Case in point: We had hoped that Caden would be a a different school this fall, but after two transfer attempts, he was reassigned to his same school. But thanks to lots of prayer and trust that God had his back, he's off to a good start. He and Andrew met another father-son in the hallway yesterday who said, "we'll look out for you, Caden." He has several friends in his new fifth grade class and a teacher who will care for his emotional and education needs. And even a neighborhood buddy with whom he can bike to school in the morning. (Mornings have been our kryptonite.)
The falling dominoes are doing something that I'd never really considered before I sat down at this computer.
The falling dominoes are making a beautiful picture.
While all those hard things from last spring are not fully resolved, maybe I had to have those dominoes fall down so I could begin to see a new image to emerge and I could learn to more deeply breathe into the Spirit. I believe others in my life had faith where mine was weak to bring me to this point, too.
Maybe you can relate. Life has been chaotic or unpredictble or grief-filled, making it hard to see anything now but pain. There's no beautiful new picture at all. I get it. I certainly couldn't see anything of the sort last May. But I'm going to be bold and say that a new picture is forming for you. It's coming. It will be uniquely yours and it will be creatively God's beautiful work.
As we launch into a new school year and welcome your kids back to a year with Union Kids, I am looking for those patterns and images to emerge that show God's handiwork that I couldn't imagine. I'm taking time to breathe in more of God's Spirit and wait for the transformation.
Have you seen any new beautiful images emerge or Spirit-patterns forming lately? Do you see the Spirit is breathing new life into a hard place? Are the dominoes still falling? I'd love to hear more about your journey.
Romans 8:26-28 (NIV)
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Union Parents: Back to school benediction / September 1, 2023
The first day of school has arrived! In the midst of getting new school clothes and prepping lunches, have you processed what emotions a new school year brings up for you? Sadness that summer is over or relief that kids will soon be back in class? Or maybe plain old fear or some combination of it all?
Renee Notkin shared this benediction with me this week from Sarah Bessey. Her words seemed like the perfect blessing to share with our community as we embark on another school year.
In my house, we have three learners, all at different schools and in different stages - preschool, elementary and middle school. It will be a full year. Can you relate? My hopes for our school year at the Mead household is that we'll learn to overcome challenges with grace, be open to new opportunities, and develop deeper (and real) connections with ourselves, each other and our school communities. (If they learn something from a book, that's the cherry on top.)
As Sarah says, let us go forth with the grace of a learner's heart. Blessings on you all this week and for this coming school year.
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Beloved one, as you begin anew, may the light of curiosity and truth of love guide you on this journey back to school. May you find the courage and humility to be both student and teacher, knowing that we all hold wisdom to share.
May your hearts remain open to the stories woven into the pages of textbooks and the lives of your fellow travellers. Let the diversity of thought and experience expand your horizons and deepen your love for the world.
In the stress of deadlines and assignments, remember that your worth is not measured by grades alone. Embrace the process, the questions that lead to even more questions. May you experience moments of challenge and grace, laughter and learning as gifts.
As you gather with friends old and new, may you build connections that bring goodness to you and the community around you. Be gentle with yourselves, for learning is not just about acquiring facts but about allowing transformation and growth, too.
So, go forth with the grace of a learner's heart. May you approach each day with a spirit of wonder, ready to engage, explore, and evolve.
And as you venture into this new season of learning, may you always remember: you are enough and you are so very, very loved.
Amen
Now go get’em,
Union Parents: The best laid plans / August 25, 2023
"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."
As I knelt on the old linoleum floor in my mom's beach bungalow, pain searing in my ankle. I knew my vacation was not going to be as planned.
A misstep on some uneven floor left me with a fractured ankle and a trip to urgent care to get x-rayed and fitted with a walking boot right then and there. Thankfully, while I will likely avoid surgery, my long-awaited plans of being at the beach and walking in the waves, playing tennis, or swimming in the pool with my family would have to wait until 2024.
In my disappointment and tears, Andrew reminded my that my kids are watching how I handled this setback. That got my attention. I want my kids to be resilient, so I need that posture myself. The buck starts and stops with me. I'm the closest example they will ever have of working through challenges and my wrecked plans. So Spirit, please give me strength - especially in these challenges!
Not to downplay the disappointment because that was real, and well, disappointing. I knew God met me there and helped me release the emotions so I could move forward. Feeling those feelings is uncomfortable, but it teaches me to help my kids live through their disappointment and heartbreak. How quickly I can forget the disappointments of childhood and need to be reminded in real time how those feel.
In the larger scheme of life, this is just a blip on the screen. I will heal. I will do the things I want to do once again. In the meantime, I'm getting some unexpected blessings. Downtime to sit and talk with my favorite cousin who joined us at the beach. Two bags of food dropped off at my door when we returned home from Oregon. Lots of prayer from our community. And an invitation from a preschool mom to take Jade for a play date today. And through this experience, I can give my children the opportunity to learn how to do things for themselves without me having to goad them, and hopefully, learn greater compassion.
While I hope you haven't had a situation go awry/disappointment this summer like I have, we've all had things that definitely not go as we planned. How did you cope? How did your reframe your perspective? Or did it seem impossible to do so?
Yesterday, before we left, Andrew read Romans 12 to me. He said to me here is your section and I agree. I'm clinging to the joy of being in a faith community who cares deeply, like these verses describe, and holding on to the assurance that God continues to heal all parts of me from the inside out.
Romans 12:10-13 (NIV)
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Union Parents: Messy splendor / July 23, 2023
The sweet taste of fresh picked blackberries from a roadside bramble that couldn't be passed up. The bone-warming feel of the summer sun. The smell of the Puget Sound air as the breeze came off the water as I rode by on my bike. The early morning roar of a neighbor mowing their lawn and the crows screeching outside my bedroom window. The full-scale sight of the evening sunset as the sky darkened in tandem with watercolor streaks.
These are some of my memories as a kid - where summer was felt, tasted, seen, heard and touched - and those are memories run deep. These days, I find that I need to get out of my head more often than not, but when I do take the time to slow down and sense the world around me, I'm more open to what God is doing in me, in my life and family. I can literally hear God better.
Honestly, the senses can be messy, though. They are sometimes bigger and more expansive than we can take in. This messy splendor of creation reminds us that God is a constant creator and is inviting us to experience creation through our senses and pointing us to something larger - to know and trust the God of Universe. Not neatly, but certainly more fully.
When we help kids experience God’s glory with their five senses, faith can become a daily adventure of experiencing the living God in real time. With real bodies. Sometimes, with real messes. Summer can be an easy time to introduce or reintroduce kids to sensing God and engaging with him through their senses and moving them to thankfulness or even questions. It's a time when children can make a mess outside - creating, seeing, exploring, hearing, tasting, feeling - and you can hose the whole mess down before bedtime.
This poem is in a children's book we have at home. Reading it to my kids, I hoped they'd understand that God is accessible to them in ways they can understand and experience. And it seems that summer is the season where God is communicating like no other time - flinging wide his beauty to say, "I AM your God who creates and loves. Always. Trust me."
I Wanted to Know All About God
by Virginia L. Kroll
I wanted to know all about God,
so I went out looking for him in signs of his creation.
I wondered what God does in the mornings.
Then I smelled the dew on the grass at dawn.
I wondered where God is at nighttime,
and I felt safe and warm in my bed.
I wondered if God is gentle,
and a butterfly floated on the air in front of me.
I wondered if God is strong, and the ocean roared in my ears.
I wanted to know if God likes music.
Then I heard a pond on a summer night.
I wondered what God's love feels like,
and Grandma put her arms around me and gave me a big hug.
Now when I go out looking for God,
I know exactly where to find him.
Psalm 34:8 (NIV)
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
Union Parents: Inspiration from a Brooklyn pizza guy / July 14, 2023
Sometimes inspiration comes from the most unexpected places and inspiration struck while attempting to find a new food that my kids would eat. Typing in "How to Make a Calzone" on YouTube this week, I found a video that drew me in - just one among the 44,000+ entries I could I chose. It featured Frank Pinello.
This born and bred Brooklynite comes from pure Italian roots and has created pizza nirvana called Best Pizza in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I had never heard of Frank or Best Pizza, but I found myself wishing I could get on a plane to NYC to try a piece.
Why? Well, because good pizza can be amazing (although I try to limit my cheese intake these days). But it was more his passion around his work and I quote, "This just feels it's like what I'm supposed to be doing." Frank has found his sweet spot - creating a life and a pizza that he's proud of and passionately enjoys.
(Here is the interview. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQvLumr2nVo)
Not only was I drawn to the idea of consuming some Best Pizza, I believe that we are all drawn to those who have found what they enjoy. We get energy from seeing people perform in their sweet spot - take Julio Rodriguez at the home run derby this week. That was electric!
Today, Caden completed his week at JazzEd music camp. He performed with his fellow music camp students with so much pride and enjoyment in the moment that it made me teary. Although he's just learning and not proficient at any instrument yet, it was the energy (and confidence) I saw in him as he started to lean into the gifts that God has given him.
Isn't that what God wants for us? To enjoy the gifts he gives us, to find the places where we passionately thrive and where we bring an energy to this world that is God-given and draws in others.
As summer marches on, maybe this is a time to experiment and see where you find energy and enjoyment. Resurrect a hobby or talent that has lain dormant because life has taken over. Or maybe there's a new skill you've wanted to learn, but not taken the time. Could this be an opportunity to find where you thrive and as well as, what activities and skills bring joy and energy to your kids? Our kids are watching us and seeing how we navigate life and often replicate our way of being. If we are living into our gifts and being energized, I wonder what that might do for our kids?
It could be as simple as making a homemade pizza.
Union Parents: Fish for breakfast / July 7, 2023
A fish fry at the break of dawn on the shores of the Sea of Galliee. No one expected to see Jesus making breakfast for some of the disciples after His resurrection. But there He was serving fish and bread after a long and unsuccessful night of fishing by the weary disciples. And to top it off, Jesus had commanded a huge catch (again) to fill their boat to nearly bursting.
This story from John 21 came to mind this week when I was super frustrated with Justin. Man, I love that kid to pieces but he can sure push my buttons sometimes. He'd aggravated his brother (again) and that never ends well between the two. This time was no different. I was mad at him but I knew if I came home and argued with Justin, nothing would change. And if I'd let my gut reactions go wild, I'd drive a wedge instead of finding a way to build a bridge. I know, because I've tried that before. I needed to give him some food and some grace.
As I drove home, I texted Justin to meet me outside. "I'm taking you to get something to eat," I said. We started with a meal of his favorite food and I told him that I wanted to talk. Sitting at the outdoor tables at PCC, we had a chance to talk about how he was feeling. How we could do things differently. How we could function better as a family when we talk about how we feel and work toward more love. We came up with a plan that he liked for the month of July to create a new family dynamic - that has plan has worked for two days and counting.
I'm sure we'll need to address these sibling issues again, but my hope is that I can meet our kids at the deepest needs and propel them to a greater purpose by feeding them grace and guiding them to love. I pray I can do this time and time again. Regulating my gut reactions to serve up some grace and connection with my people.
Back to the shores of Galilee, Jesus did not have to reinstate Peter that morning after giving him a meal. He could have walked away, just as Peter had done in his denial on a recent Thursday night. But not only does He show up, Jesus hands Peter a plate of warm food and a mammoth helping of grace and gently asks, "Do you love me? Then, feed my lambs."
While Peter might deserve something far less, Jesus guides him into his purpose - leadership, kindness, and a provider of sustenance to those who need to be fed physically, emotionally and spiritually. That is the same purpose that I hope and pray that Justin will live out as an older brother and a citizen of this world someday.
It started with grace and plate of food.
P.S. Oddly enough, as I was writing this yesterday, Caden caught a fish at the West Seattle dock! Actually he caught two, while only one other fish had been caught all day on the pier. He fried it up this morning and had fish for breakfast. :)
John 21:9-12, 15 (NIV)
When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.
Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.” So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord.
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”